It Happens All the Time
by penshaki
Summary: Just a regular morning in Akatsuki's life. Mentions about KisaIta, SasoDei and KakuHida and a sugarly overloaded good boy Tobi. One-shot, supposed to be a bit crack-ish. Rated T for swearing, just to be sure.


**Disclaimer: DON'T OWN NARUTO and etc babbling...**

**A/N: One day I just felt like writing something crack-ish... And now to say, I'M NOT STUPID, I KNOW THAT ITACHI AND DEIDARA ARE WRONG AGED AND TOBI GOES QUITE OOC IN THIS! I just felt it went better when I made them a bit younger. And Tobi... Well I've seen so much more OOC-like Tobi's, so I guess you can look this through your fingers, ne? But- (SHUDDUP, WE DON'T CARE CHES!) ... Sorry. Off to reading, reviews are appreciated and etc ;D There, you happy? (Why YES, DUH!)**

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**It Happens All the Time...**

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"AAAAH! GET OFF! GO AWAY, UUUUUN, YOU FILTHY JASHINIST!"

A voice, that belonged to a young boy, echoed from the gray and cold stone walls. The scream bounced from the corridor and struck painfully loud in the person's ears who were seated in the kitchen, not even twenty metres away. Immediately after the scream there were fast running steps, which again reminded how big the space was, when you were able to run with such speed. The familiar villain laughter covered all the sounds suddenly, when it exploded from the most bad-mouthed Akatsuki member's, Hidan's, mouth.

"Oi, come back kid! I'm not fucking finished yet!" the Jashinist shouted after the blonde with a sadistic smile on his face.

"AAAAAH! DANNA! DANNA! HIDAN-SENPAI IS TELLING ME SICKENING STUFF! UUUUUN!" Deidara shouted in response and slapped hands on his ears.

Twenty meters away, Sasori struck his cup on the table with a nasty crack. He stomped out of the kitchen with an aura of endless hatred reflecting behind him. The red head directed his walk to the corridor where the always increasing amused laughter was heard.

Around the table, the others made very known 'here we go again'-looks to each other, and continued drinking their morning cheer-ups. For most, this meant coffee, but for Tobi, it was more like milk with extra sugar and syrup and two inches of coffee in the bottom. But mainly just pure milk and syrup. God knows how the boy was able to drink that every morning without being completely on sugar hop after the first sip.

**"Sounds like the kid got Hidan's attention on him..."** Zetsu's black side growled through his lips. Plant man's split personality was one of the extreme examples. "Hopefully Deidara won't be too upset afterwards, Hidan may be a bit bad-mouthed... **A bit? That man doesn't complete a sentence without at least one swear** ... I think he was a bit happier yesterday, maybe he could save little Deidara's ears from the curse-torrent ... **Hidan stops swearing when Kakuzu buys a new sofa** ... Now don't be so negative, maybe he just thinks that the old one is still in a good condition ...** That clunker was in a good condition last time when the man himself was young ...**" Zetsu's half's argued among each other.

"Nee-e~, Zetsu-senpai, you sound so funny!" Tobi laughed cheerfully and waved his spoon towards the plant man.

**"I hope you die in a sugar overdose..."** The black side grunted again and brought the coffee cup to his lips.

"Don't drag me into your stupid discussion", Kakuzu growled through the stitches that were tightening his lips from the corner's.

A sudden hammering that echoed from the corridor cut the arguing in the kitchen. It soon became quite clear to everyone, that Sasori had heard enough of the immortal's explanations for why was he bullying the eight-year-old Deidara. Random curse words compounded through the hammering and Kakuzu sighed heavily.

"I'm not going to stitch him together". He rose from the table immediately and set his coffee cup on the sink. "That man doesn't know when is the right time to stop...", he growled before leaving the other members around the kitchen table in puzzled silence.

"Oh hey, who's gonna clean up that mess?" Kisame growled and scratched his neck.

"Hidan", the raven haired boy, Itachi, said quietly. "As soon as Pein has forced Kakuzu to stitch him back into one piece", he said, and sipped the hot liquid expressionlessly.

"Ne, Itachi, if you start drinking coffee at that young age, it's not gonna be good for your white smile", Kisame pointed out, and made a worried gaze to the younger. He didn't receive a reply, it was like the silent Uchiha had died in front of his coffee cup all of a sudden. The fish man only managed to look annoyed, because almost immediately a very familiar explosion echoed from the corridor. The explosion was followed by many awful swear words, which would have made everyone to spit out their coffee if they still had been drinking it. Luckily every cup was at the moment on the table.

"I think Deidara expressed his opinion..." Zetsu's white half smiled and he rose from the table. "**Pain will be angry as soon as he returns from the mission with Konan**", the black side pointed out, and scowled the last drops of his coffee on the bottom of the cup. And saying that, the half-plant-half-man -combination left the kitchen and headed towards his own room.

Itachi took a sip of his coffee.

Kisame nailed his gaze on the open door.

Tobi added more sugar in his "coffee".

There was this blessed silence, if you could ignore the exclamations from the Jashinist who was now hidden in the dark corridor.

Then Sasori appeared in the doorway, Deidara immediately behind him, hand tightly connected to the elder's hand.

"Oi, Dei-kun! What Hidan-senpai went again to do? "Tobi shouted cheerfully near from his cup of sugar. Kisame snorted and muttered something like 'drunk on sugar' and Itachi stared at his coffee as it would have been his best friend.

The puppeteer didn't immediately respond, but sat on a wooden chair, and brought the eight-year-old blonde in his lap. He stroked the younger's back encouragingly and smiled approvingly for him.

"Well done, Deidara", he smiled.

"Did the boy blew him up?" Kisame asked the other brow slightly elevated. The red head nodded and smiled with satisfaction.

"You should have seen that Jashinist's stupid look", he muttered and drew a vacant chair closer, to set the young artist on it. Kisame chuckled to hear this, but then he remembered the mess that was waiting in the corridor.

"Kakuzu did not seem so happy. I guess I should go to talk to him, if we don't want to piss Leader-sama off", the sushi sighed and got up to leave. Itachi rose at the same time, still saying nothing, the face expressionless and eyes cold.

Now only Tobi was left with the artist duo. He added another lump of sugar into his sugar-potential-drink, and swallowed the rest of it, which certainly included the not-yet-melted sugar cube.

"Just keep on going, Dei-chan. Hidan-senpai sometimes needs a reminder of how young people here are too. Tobi doesn't like his language at all, na-ah", masked boy said and also rose to leave. "Tobi goes to talk to Hidan-senpai, if he then could think twice next time when he open's his mouth", he sighed and dropped his cup on the sink, where the many others were too.

Sasori snorted and glanced at his coffee cup, where the liquid had been long since cooled and was no good for drinking. He frowned slightly, but felt immediately better when he saw the blonde sitting next to him with a smile.

"Thank's Danna, un" Deidara sneered. When the charming smile on his milk-cheeks continued shining, Sasori couldn't help but to smile back.

In the corridor, Hidan's somewhat blown out head throwed profanities to the completely-drunk-on-sugar-mode -approaching Tobi.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP, I'M NOT GONNA-" Hidan yelled while Tobi was humming his own songs. Whenever Jashinist cursed, the mask-boy hummed louder and shook his finger warningly, so it made the immortal head want to bite his ears off.

"Oi, 'Kuzu! Get the fuck in here and stitch me back to shape or I'll-", Hidan spattered when he heard how a new verse started from Tobi's lips. He had listened to that same musical passage for ten minutes now, and it slowly began to influence like five different note's endless repetition.

Kakuzu did appear there, finally (just after five incredibly painful minutes). He just shooed the orange-face off and then leant on the cool wall, making no gesture to help the younger.

Hidan's head lavished threats to the other, until he decided that was time to change tactics.

"'Kuzuu~...", the prayer changed his tone from threatening to harmless. "Gimme a hand, will ya? I'll ask you very nicely, I'll do whatever you want, as long as you just bind me back together. You don't want me to be like this for the rest of my life, do you?" Hidan persuaded from the floor.

His partner raised his other brow in doubt. "You won't believe how great the temptation is", he snarled and scowled at the younger.

'"Kuzuu~..." Hidan moaned.

"You won't speak anything today, okay? If I stitch you back to heap, you won't even scoff a single word until tomorrow, particularly not to Deidara. Poor child may be traumatized because of your brainless swearing", the elder snarled, a light blush in his face.

"Sure, of course, 'Kuzu-chan", the silver-haired male grinned from the floor. Kakuzu was just about to give his hand to the younger, but now he froze.

"Just say that once more, and you'll stay on that floor, just in a worse condition", Hidan's partner growled menacingly.

"Eep", was all what the younger got from his mouth.

Eventually, Kakuzu stitched Hidan back together and the younger didn't even sneer throughout the rest of the day.

Deidara learned how to use clay for long-distance missiles, and Tobi suffered incredible headaches in the evening, when the sugar hops finally subsided a bit and ripped the orange-face from his sugar clouds to face the grim reality.

Itachi brushed his teeth throughout the morning every few minutes, secretly from the other, of course, so Kisame never got to know how the Uchiha's teeth were so white.

Overall, it was quite a normal day...


End file.
